My Friend Is Dating a Loser & I Just Can’t Take It Anymore
WTF is she thinking? You know your best friend inside and out, and you never would have thought she’d go for someone this pathetic. You’re not sure why she’s dating a loser but every time you hang out with them, you pretty much have to staple your mouth shut so you don’t scream “ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK? HOW COULD YOU BE DATING THIS LOSER???”
Settle. Breathe. You got this.
Everyone at one point has had a best friend apparently lose their mind and date someone they can’t bloody stand. But you’ve got a couple of questions to answer before you can make a plan. So get out a pen and paper.
Question 1: So, why don’t you like him or her?
Maybe the new BF won’t shut up about World of Warcraft and he chews with his mouthful. Maybe the new GF is shallow and only talks about make-up. We all have annoying habits, so why so you think she’s dating a loser?
But is there anything else going on here? Maybe she’s spending so much time in the new relationship that you feel ignored? Maybe you feel a little resentful because you’re not dating anyone right now. Be honest with yourself and consider the fact that this might be more about you than who she’s dating.
However, if there’s any suspicion that there’s something potentially dangerous about the relationship, then skip questions #2 – #5 because you need to address this ASAP. If there are drug or alcohol problems, emotional manipulation or physical abuse, you need to sit her down and firmly and considerately lay out your concerns with her.
Question 2: Have you given him or her a second chance?
Not everyone makes a great first impression every time. They could be in a bad mood that day or have been cramming for a test the night before and are just exhausted when you meet them.
Give him or her a few chances to redeem themselves. Make an effort to have a conversation with this person. Try to learn what you have in common, and see how the conversation goes. Who knows? You might just find out there’s something endearing about them.
Question 3: Can you hang out with your friend solo?
If it’s a new relationship, you can be sure that they’re going to be hanging out together all the time. And if you’ve given this person plenty of chances to prove they’re not as odious as they seem with no success, it’s time for some strategic planning.
If the new boyfriend can’t stand anything “girly”, take your friend out for a manicure. If the new girlfriend hates Vampire Weekend, then get some tickets to one of their concerts. You don’t want to insult your friend by telling her “Please don’t bring your boyfriend.” It’s better that the third party decides not to come on their own.
Question 4: Are you commiserating with other friends behind her back?
If you are, then stop. It’s that simple.
It’s going to be hard enough dealing with your friend’s new relationship as it is. If it gets back to her that you’re talking behind her back (and she invariably will find out), it will just drive a wedge between the two of you that could do permanent damage to your friendship.
Question 5: Do you think you can just wait this one out?
If you’ve tried everything and just can’t bear being around them, then keep this in mind: a recent study of adolescents revealed the average length of a relationship is between 4 and 8.6 months. Maybe it’s time to rethink how you’re spending your time, and catch up on things you’ve been wanting to do. You simply don’t have to spend time with them, and definitely shouldn’t if you feel like your friend is dating a loser.
How long have you been friends? Think about the reasons you’re best friends and how much that relationship affects your daily habits. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to try something new, something you can do on your own so you have the flexibility to connect when she has free time.
The fact that you can’t stand the company of her latest fling, isn’t worth the risk of losing a lifetime friendship. Rather than focus on the bad, look for the opportunities this change is giving you.